Last night my husband and I watched a hockey movie. The movie wasn’t special, but it got me thinking…. We had spent the day looking at old photos and high school memorabilia. We were high school sweethearts, my husband and I, so there were lots of love letters, poems, and cards declaring our undying love for one another. Eight children later, the love is still there, but it’s a little tired. Not dead, just needing resuscitation. J

You see, I’ve been opposing my husband. I’ve been wearing a different color jersey, if you will. I didn’t switch sides consciously or purposefully. Maybe I didn’t think he was playing fair. Some days it may have appeared he was sitting in the box too long, not playing at all.

I’m not a hockey fan. We don’t watch hockey on TV. I don’t even understand the game. But during the movie I noticed some things that will help me stay in the game, and on my husband’s team.

Each player has a role, a reason for being in the game. One guy was especially fast on the ice. Another had a shot like a bullet. There was a defensive type of position, blocking shots. Of course, there was a goalie. And there was an older man who was the captain. He had played the game the longest. He was slower, but his knowledge was indispensable. Also, they talked to each other on the ice while they played. “It’s coming your way!” “Cross over!” They yelled a lot. Not just the captain either. Each one had a perspective of the game that was vital to the play. One guy could see an opponent approaching. Another may see an opening for a goal. Not one person could see the whole game at any given moment and know everything that should be done. They went in with plays, but had to react appropriately when the play just wasn’t working.

So, here is where my analogy comes in. When the captain yelled, “Take it!” The teammate did not counter with “no, it’s not my turn.” or “well, it’s about time!” or “are you sure?” When a player screamed, “Send it my way, I’m open!” the puck got to him, no questions asked. So, when my husband says, “Honey, can you deal with the children?” I can do so. Later, I can ask him why is he tired, what happened at work, etc. When he comes to me and explains the Sabbaths, the Feasts, the Name, and the Torah using scriptures and wisdom, I can trust him to know what is best for our family, our team.

Now, quite often, it is I who know how the play would work best. Why? Because I spend the most time with the other players. I know their personalities. I know what happened that morning to put someone in a sour mood. I know that the baby is cranky because she is teething. I know that the teen age daughter has begun “that time of the month”. Not to make excuses, but to put together a play that will work for the whole family. Because it is not about one super star. We support and encourage each member of the team. Some may be immature and need lots of instruction and correction. Others only need an occasional “suggestion” or admonishment. But, it is the captain and the coach who decide the direction of the team. With the help of the Word and the Spirit, the laws of the Father can be known and obeyed. His Name can be exalted and His shalom felt in a family.

My husband likes to say that all analogies break down eventually; and this one is no exception. I am not told to be a blind follower of my husband, or vice versa. If a member of the family is trying to influence anyone to sin, then someone must restore shalom. Sometimes this is done through the rod of correction. Sometimes through wise counsel. Always in prayer!

I read this to my children last week. Galations 6: 1-10: “Brothers, suppose someone is caught doing something wrong. You who have the Spirit should set him right, but in a spirit of humility, keeping an eye on yourselves so that you won’t be tempted too. Bear one another’s burdens---- in this way you will be fulfilling the Torah’s true meaning, which the Messiah upholds. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is really nothing, he is fooling himself. So let each of you scrutinize his own actions. Then if you do find something to boast about, at least the boasting will be based on what you have actually done and not merely on a judgment that you are better than someone else; for each person will carry his own load. But whoever is being instructed in the Word should share all the good things he has with his instructor. Don’t delude yourselves: no one makes a fool of Elohim! A person reaps what he sows. Those who keep sowing in the field of their old nature, in order to meet its demands, will eventually reap ruin; but those who keep sowing in the field of the Spirit will reap from the Spirit everlasting life. So let us not grow weary of doing what is good; for if we don’t give up, we will in due time reap the harvest. Therefore, as the opportunity arises, let us do what is good to everyone, and especially to the family of those who are trustingly faithful. “

There is plenty of good stuff in those verses. But to keep with the team theme; each one is necessary. “Bear one another’s burdens…. ; … for each person will carry his own load.” Help out. Work together towards the goal. Do your part. This is not hard to understand when you look at a family. My husband can help bear my burden; maybe do a load of laundry while I bathe the little ones. But, I am the mother. The dad can’t be mom. The sister cannot be mom. I must do the work of the mother. I can go to scripture to find out what that work is. The world’s definition of mother, and her job, are not for me. I must find my job description in the Word.

Also, we need to be full of the Spirit. We should not try to “set him right” without the Spirit, and in humility. Our team will lose if we “keep sowing in the field of (our) old nature, in order to meet its demands,…” We must keep the vision, the goal in mind. I grew up in a family where Dad thought he needed to be gone all the time; he didn’t see that he was a vital part of our team. My mom worked full time, too. So, there was no one training the children up in the ways of Yahweh. My dad worked a few different jobs; thinking that money mattered. But when he wasn’t working, he had hobbies that kept him away. He was not a captain for our team. Or, as captain his example was poor and will not be followed. He grew weary of doing good. His children are now serving Yahweh; but he cannot boast about it. He had nothing to do with it. As children, the enemy out scored and out maneuvered us. We were skating blind on thin ice! But thanks be to our Father in heaven who kept us safe enough to grow up into adults who trust in Messiah!

I love the last statement! “As the opportunity arises,…” Boy, each second is an opportunity to “let us do what is good to everyone, and especially to the family…” ESPECIALLY TO THE FAMILY!

I said earlier that I’m now on the same team, wearing the matching color jersey as my husband. This happened overnight. Yesterday my husband loved me more than he loved himself. In Ephesians 5, Saul tells us that this kind of sacrificial love is the same kind that our Messiah has for us. The KJV says “This is a great mystery.” My Bible says, “There is profound truth hidden here…” We also know that we love Messiah because He first loved us. If the husband is a type of messiah, and the wife symbolic of the Bride, then wives love because the husband loves first. “There is profound truth HIDDEN here.” “This is a great MYSTERY.” Can we explain why it is that when a man sets aside his own desires and puts his wife first, she then respects him and will do all she can to make him happy??? I cannot explain it. I only know from experience that it is so. My husband woke up a happy man. I am content again. We shared a day yesterday that involved giving up our own agenda, and forbearing with one another. We started to have a disagreement and we just stopped. My husband said, “We can discuss this another time if we deem it that important, but for now, I do not want to ruin this time.” Usually, I would have jumped ship and traded in jerseys, saying something like, “It’s worth the fight! I’m right and you’re wrong and blah, blah, blah…” But, I gave in too. “You’re right, we can talk later.” I don’t remember what it was we were disagreeing about now. J

Working against each other causes feelings of loneliness and poverty of spirit. When a woman does not respect her husband, he feels like a failure. When a man does not love his wife enough to lay aside himself, then she thinks she is worthless. The Bible says a wife is a precious thing!

I pray that something I’ve shared has sparked some kind of action in your life to get in the locker room with your spouse! Take a time out and get a play together for the sake of your team! Get out of the enemy's line up and back on the right side! Pass the puck often and help each other out. Listen to the Coach of coaches. And PLAY your heart out!!! It’s serious business, but we can be joyful doing it.

Yahweh’s face shine on you and give you shalom!

Humbly skating towards the goal,

Laura B.

P.S. A parting shot: hockey is very physical J