Don’t Be a Talebearer

 

 

            “You shall not go up and down as a talebearer among your people….”  This short phrase from Leviticus 19:16 paints a vivid picture in our minds of a person we commonly refer to as a gossip.  Surely we’ve all known someone who just can’t wait to share the latest news they’ve heard about another person.  Perhaps the gossiper you know is someone you work with, or someone in your family, or even someone you fellowship with every Sabbath.  This person always knows what’s going on in other people’s lives and has to share the intimate details with everyone he or she talks with.

 

            Typically if the talebearer doesn’t find you to be a willing listener, he’ll move on to someone who is more receptive to his story.  Oftentimes the actual facts being transmitted get muddied up in favor of presenting the story in a more exciting manner.  After all there’s nothing like sharing a good tale.  Well what’s wrong with sharing information about another person anyway, especially if it’s true?  Why does Yahweh prohibit us from this type of communication?  Does it really harm anybody?

 

            Recently I was thinking that there are people I have never met in person and yet know a great deal about, because others have shared what they know about these people.  Now if the only information I have about a particular person presents them in a positive light, maybe I really don’t have a problem.  Typically though, when any of us share information about another person we have a tendency to tell about their flaws, at least as we see them.  So there may be people we have a very negative view of without ever having met them.  That doesn’t seem to be a good way to get to know someone. J 

 

 

 

How Gossip Affects Us

 

            Just how does gossip affect us?  How does it affect the person spreading the gossip?  How does it affect the listener?  What about the person about whom the tale is being told?

 

            Let’s start with the talebearer himself.  Proverbs 11:13 says, “He that goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.”  The biggest problem a gossip has is that he can’t be trusted to keep a secret.  I don’t know about you, but if I know someone who feels a constant need to share every private detail they know about someone else, I’m pretty sure that anything I share with them has a good possibility of being spread to others.  On the other hand if I observe a person who keeps things to themselves, I know that’s a person I can trust if I ever have a need to go to someone for advice.

 

            What about the person who listens to a talebearer?  Does it affect me if I listen to gossip, even though I’m not passing it on?  Of course it does.  Listening to gossip paints a picture in my mind of a third party.  The information I’m taking into my mind may or may not be accurate.  The only thing I can be sure of is that it is filtered through the talebearer’s perception of the facts.  For all I know I could be believing a lie about someone else.  That’s very dangerous for me…thinking a lie is actually the truth.  I guess the adversary could have a field day with that.  What better way to cause strife, contention, and discord.  Proverbs 6:16-19 says there are seven things which are an abomination to Yahweh.  Among those is “he that sows discord among brethren” in vs. 19.  It seems to me the person who listens to gossip is every bit as guilty of fulfilling this scripture as the one telling the story. 

 

            Okay, now what about the person of whom the gossip is being told?  How is she harmed?  I’ve seen people be criticized, ostracized, and otherwise mistreated, solely on the basis of gossip others have felt free to share about them, oftentimes with the expectation that something they had shared with another person was in confidence. Sometimes a person’s life can be ruined by gossip.  By the way, when we talk about being a talebearer in the Lev. 19 passage, there is no distinction made about whether the information being passed along is true or not.  It doesn’t matter.  We are under a scriptural obligation to not tell stories about another person, if it portrays them in a bad light. 

 

Rather than tearing down our brother or sister we have an obligation to build them up.  “Therefore exhort one another, and build each other up, even as also you do.” 1Thess. 5:11.  We also read in 1 Corinthians 8:1, “….knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.”  Sometimes we have knowledge about another person that we feel we need to share.  When we portray someone else in a bad way, that knowledge does tend to puff us up. We always feel a little bigger, better, and self-righteous when we put down another person.  On the other hand, showing love toward another person builds everyone up, including ourselves.

 

 

 

Lashon Hara

 

 

Judaism has developed a concept called lashon hara.  It literally means evil speaking or evil tongue.  It is based on Leviticus 19:16.  They have recognized that there is an overriding concept found in this verse and many others that prohibit any negative portrayal of another person, because of the damage that can be done.  They have developed some rules regarding this concept which bring clarity to our responsibility in this matter. 

 

Some of the guidelines of lashon hara:

1.      It’s lashon hara even if it’s true

2.      It’s lashon hara even if a listener pressures a speaker to tell

3.      It’s lashon hara even if names are left out

4.      It’s lashon hara even if it’s about the speaker’s own family

5.      It’s lashon hara even if the speaker includes himself in the derogatory statements.

I think there’s great wisdom and value in abiding by the above rules.  Surely we can recognize we ourselves have most likely been guilty of committing lashon hara at some point in time.

 

 

Taming the Tongue

 

Being a talebearer and a gossiper starts with one’s inability to tame the tongue.  We read the following in the book of James chapter 3:

 “For in many things we offend all. If any man offends not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small rudder, wherever the governor lists. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasts great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of Gehenna. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and has been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless Yahweh, even the Father; and with it we curse men, which are made after the similitude of Yahweh. Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Does a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? So can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him show out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descends not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.”

            Clearly if we can’t control our tongue, we are going to cause much grief for ourselves and others. 

Again from the book of James we read the following admonition, “If any man thinks himself to be religious, while he bridles not his tongue, but deceives his heart, this man’s religion is vain.” James 1:26.

Also from Proverbs 18:21 we find this warning, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit of it.”  It’s up to us how we use our tongue.  There’s the power of life and death in our speech.  We always need to be very careful of the words that so easily flow forth from our mouths.  Too often once we speak hurtful or derogatory words, they can’t be taken back.  Our words must always edify, never tearing down.  In Romans 1:28-30 the Apostle Paul lists the characteristics of those to whom our Heavenly Father has given a reprobate mind, because they have refused to have Him in their knowledge.  Two of these evil attributes are whispering and backbiting.  Both whispering and backbiting are ammunition in a talebearer’s arsenal.

 

Conclusion

There is no doubt that the words we use and the things we say about others have the ability to build up or to tear down.  As we work to build up our families, our assemblies, and the body of Messiah we need to remember this lesson.  One of the most tragic things I see is when a husband or wife will belittle their spouse in front of others or behind their backs, or when parents and children talk of each other in a derogatory way. My wife and I have always had a policy that we never, under any circumstances talk of each other in a way that will lead others to view our spouse in a negative or unflattering way.  I’m sure that policy has saved us a lot of grief and heartache over the years. J 

All of us need to remember to build up one another in love and compassion.  It starts by not imputing wrong motives to someone else’s words or actions.  Always look for the best in others.  Always look to edify.  Most of all, never be a talebearer.  It’s not part of Yahweh’s plan for his children.