CHANGE

Laura Blair

I’ve been thinking about change lately.  When our family began this new way of life, living a more Torah observant lifestyle, we changed.  Some things weren’t that difficult to change, others were more so.  The hardest things to change were our deeply held beliefs taught to us in Christianity.  I remember one time very clearly.  I was in tears.  I felt like the whole framework of my beliefs was being shaken.  What would be left?!  Thankfully, I realized that my Cornerstone was still very much unchanged, and I could continue to be changed. 

There is something inside of me though that says “if I change, that must mean that I’m unsure and being tossed about.”  Here is an example from my own life:  Many years ago, I was taught that a married woman should cover her head in the assembly when her husband was not present.  My husband worked second shift at the time, which meant he wasn’t around for, Wednesday night prayer meetings, which meant that I covered my head.  It really wasn’t a big deal to me; I did it because my pastor taught me that I should.  Then the rule changed for some reason, so I quit wearing a covering.  When we started visiting Sacred Name Assemblies, I knew I had to have my head covered.  Even our daughters’ heads were covered.  Then I read some Jewish literature about unmarried women not wearing a covering, so our daughters were no longer required to wear one.  I continued to wear one, but I wasn’t convinced that I had to.  We had many discussions about head coverings in our home and fellowship.  Without someone telling me that I “had to” wear one, I was undecided.  I still am.  J  So, am I insincere because I’m not sure what He wants?  I don’t think so.  As long as I stay open to change. 

I started thinking about the change that a caterpillar must make in order to become a moth or butterfly.  I even got out the science book and read a bit about them.  Did you know that a caterpillar goes through several molts?  And after each molt, the caterpillar is a different size and color.  Does it hurt?  Does the caterpillar know what is going to happen to it?  These changes occur before the caterpillar weaves the cocoon, obviously.  Some caterpillars live through the winter all curled up somewhere safe, making their cocoons in early spring.  Others are changing all winter long in their cocoons.  Once in the cocoon, WOW! What changes occur?!  An ugly little worm thing bound to the earth transforms into a beautiful creature soaring on the wind. 

I’m going through another change.  My age and physiology are forcing a change.  I’m learning all I can about it, so I can change with minimal pain and stress on my family.  J  It is not without fear.  Who will I become?  What color is next?  Will it take all winter, or will it be quick? 

I started taking piano lessons last week.  My instructor has been teaching my children for many years.  She told my daughter that she’s impressed when women my age try to learn something new.  J  I’m learning more about myself too- Reading about being a caterpillar, being who I am on the inside.  The outside colors may change, but inside I’m still me.  Who is that exactly though?  I’m going to find out.  It may hurt.  I don’t know who I’ll be.  But when I look at the many examples in nature, I know that each change is very much worth the end result.