Rahab and the Two Spies

A skit by Bethany Blair

Prop list

Chair

‘China set’

2 swords ( obviously imitation )

Sign for Rahab’s Inn

Red Towel

Bell

List of Characters

Izzy

Josh

Spy One

Spy Two

D

G

LG

Rahab

Tech.

Someone to operate lights

Directions to cast in parenthesis. Thank you.

Lights on. ( Izzy front and center occupied with something, looks up at audience ) Izzy: Hey. You’re probably wondering who I am. I’m an Israelite, but you can call me Izzy. I’m here to tell you a little story. It’s called Rahab and the Two Spies. Sounds kinda cool doesn’t it? I’ve found it’s best to start at the beginning, so that’s what I’m gunna do. Ok. Usually, we start with Joshua becoming the leader and all that jazz, but that can get long and boring, so I’ll just give you a run through, like fast forwarding. Yahweh talks to him, says he’s the leader, He’ll give us a bunch of land if we obey Him … there’s always that ‘if’ in there …anyway. Says don’t be afraid, chadada chada…aaand …. Joshua talks to the Two Spies. Here we go. Light off

Light on ( Josh sitting in middle center stage. Izzy far to back right busying himself with something. ) Josh: Izzy!

Izzy ( looks up, but doesn’t come. Shouts ): Yeah?

Josh: Send me the Two Spies. I need to talk to them.

Izzy ( interested ): What’d they do this time?

Josh ( turns half way to see Izzy ): Nothing.

Izzy: That’s amazing.

Josh: Just go get them.

Izzy: Ok, ok. ( exit to right )

Josh ( mumbles and faces front again ): Never can find good service around here.

( Two Spies enter with Izzy from front right and approach Josh, but don’t turn backs on audience )

Izzy: Here they are.

Josh ( beckons Izzy to him. Out of side of mouth ): Guard the china

Izzy ( starts to middle left ): Yep. Way ahead o’ ya’.

( Spies are now on either side of Josh, without turning backs to audience )

Spy One: I’m …Spy One!

Spy Two: And I’m ….Spy Two!

Both: Together, we’re the Two Spies! ( ninja moves and sounds )

Josh ( accustomed to it. Half heartedly ): Yes. Don’t hurt yourselves. ( Spies continue with show of skill. Josh raises voice ) Now stop. ( Spies freeze ) I need you to spy out Jericho. I’m planning to use that as a summer home. Do you think you can do it?

Spy One: Uh, yeah. Sure.          ( both minimizing movement of mouth )

Spy Two: If you’ll let us move.

Josh: I didn’t say you couldn’t.

Spy One: You said, ( moves to strong stance and raises hand palm forward. Deep powerful voice ) ‘Stop.’  ( Spy Two moves to casual stand )

Josh: I don’t sound like that.

Spy One: Yes you do. Doesn’t he Two?

Spy Two: Yeah, he does. ( Both start rambling )

Josh: Enough! ( each clamp mouths tight ) ( Josh rubs head and whines ) Just go, please.

Spy One: Yes, sir!   ( each salute )

Spy Two: Right away, sir!  ( both bow and knock heads together )

Spy One: Ow! Watch it!

Spy Two: No, you watch it! ( squabbling, exit to right ) Light off

Light on. Two Spies at Jericho. Walking up to ‘gates’. Guards ( D and G, slightly right middle stage ) stop them.

G: Halt! Who are you? ( tough )

Spy One: Who are you?

G: Well, I’m G. ( relaxed )

D: And I’m D.

G: ‘cause ‘G’ starts ‘Guard’.

D: And ‘D’ ends it.

Spy One: Pretty cool. But not as cool as ours’. We’re…

Spy Two: ( interrupts, and puts hand over One’s mouth ) ssshhhh!!!  I’m Two, he’s One.

G: You look much older. ( confused and surprised )

Spy Two: No, those are our names.

D: Weird. ( pause ) Well, you seem harmless, so go on in.

Spy One: Thanks.

D: Don’t mention it. ( Spies walk in. )

Spy Two: I’m hungry.

Spy One: Let’s eat and sleep there. ( points at building )

Spy Two: Why there?

Spy One: It says to; look. ( points at sign. )  Sign: Rahab’s Inn – Eat and Sleep HERE!

Spy Two: Oh, cool.  ( walk under sign to enter inn; bell rings. Center stage )

Rahab ( far center stage, busied with something. Looks up as bell rings and walks toward Spies ) : Hello boys. What can I do for you?

Spy One: First, you can tell us who that is. ( points at ‘large and imposing’ man that is currently shoveling food into his mouth; far left stage )

Rahab ( looks ): That’s the Lead Guard. They call him LG. He looks mean, but he’s harmless. ( LG is actually listening all the time )

Spy One: That’s good. We’d like a place to stay while we’re here spa-( Two covers One’s mouth, and LG jumps )

Spy Two: Shush! … We’d like a place to stay.

Rahab: Come right this way. ( leads them to front left stage. Talks while walking ) By the way, what are your names?

( Spy One starts ninja moves and inhales to exclaim his identity, and Two covers his mouth with a slap of his hand ) Two: He’s One, I’m Two. Those are our names.

Rahab: I thought you smelled funny. ( said knowingly, and not as loud as previous conversation )

( One and Two exchange looks and sniff their armpits )

Rahab: Alright. Here she is.

Two: Shveet. ( looks around approvingly )

One: Plenty of room to practice our ninja moves.

Rahab ( slightly surprised, interested ): You’re ninjas?

One: No, we’re … ( covers Two’s mouth, and whispers ) spies.

Two ( fights One off ): Now you’ve done it!

One: What? She’s a girl. She can’t hurt us. We might as well tell her we’re here to spy out Jericho and take over.

Rahab ( excited ): I knew it! I knew you were Israelites!

Two ( confused ): How could you tell? ( D walks by and listens, sniffing. Stops at ‘window’ of ‘room’ and holds nose. )

Rahab: You stink. We’ve been smelling you for a while now. Your camp must be close. ( Two and One exchange looks and shrug shoulders ) ( Rahab is suddenly nervous and more quiet ) Listen, when you take over, can you promise not to hurt me or my family?

Two: Sure. ( grabs red towel/rope from pants ) Here, tie this red rope in your window. Then we’ll know which house is yours.

One: Who was that? ( D runs softly away )

Rahab ( runs to window and looks ): D. Quick! Hide! ( One and Two scurry around ‘room’ trying to find a hiding place. End in front of Rahab and hold up hands. Rahab covers them with a blanket and they lay on the floor )

Two: Will this really work?

Rahab: Believe me, they’re pretty thick. ( while D, G, and LG are talking, Rahab busies herself with making the blanket look as flat as possible. )

( D and G walk into inn and up to LG. )

D: Sir, we’ve just found out some spies are here.

G: Literally. Like, right in this Inn.

LG ( stands, furious ): You let them in??!!

D ( whining excuses ): We didn’t know. They said they were One and Two.

LG ( confused, thinking. Suddenly) : Israelites! ( all run to ‘room’ ) ( LG confronts Rahab ) Rahab! Where are those two spies?! ( all guards look around room )

Rahab: They left.

LG: Left?!

Rahab: Yep, but only just now. If D and G… ( cut off  by G )

G: ‘G and D’. I’m first.

Rahab: Whatever. If you leave now, you might catch them.

LG ( looks and G and D standing there ): What are you waiting for?!

D: Uh…I don’t know. A command of some sorts…?

LG: Go get them!! ( G and D run to right and exit stage ) ( LG turns to Rahab ) Thanks, Rahab.

Rahab: It was nothing. Really. ( < said to audience )

( LG walks off stage to right, and Spies jump out to do some ninja moves. )

Rahab ( stands there watching, with a ‘good grief’ look on her face ): They’re gone.

One ( both stop, look ): Oh. Too bad.

Two: We could’ve taken them with our hands tied behind our backs.

Rahab: Yeah, right. Light off.

Izzy middle center stage. Light on.

Izzy: So, that’s the story. We took over Jericho, left Rahab and her family alone, G and D got lost and were never seen again. …Though, rumor has it that they started a comedy show somewhere near Gilgal. And, the Two Spies, well…right now, they’re in big trouble for breaking Josh’s best China set. ( Loud crash of china breaking ) ( Rest come from back stage and is unseen )

One: I didn’t do it!!!

Josh: Oh! You Two are in trouble! ( One and Two run from shadows of back stage and leave stage, being pursued by Josh, to run down middle isle of seating arrangement and lights off when they are behind audience )

The End